Standing up for what you believe is not always an easy task. There is always opposition in all things. People you think will stand by you are sometimes the first to walk away from you. Sometimes you have to walk alone. This only makes you stronger. Some of the things I believe are way far out there. This is the reason I am on disability and will be for the rest of my life. My doctor is trying to find the right combination of medication to help me cope with my symptoms but meds only go so far. I have believed I am Jesus Christ for the past 8 years. What have I learned during this time? I have learned how to survive with just hope. I have not always been faithful to this idea I have. I have fallen away into what the world says I am many times. I have payed a price for this type of thinking. I have lost many friends and family for coming out. I pray often that my feet will be guided in the right direction. I am to far into this to give up. Despite what my opposition says there is a chance that I am the Messiah. For those of you who are reading this I am sure you are rolling your eyes and you are thinking that I am truly crazy. I welcome opposition as much as I welcome friends. How can I keep this gift to myself? Despite what you may think I have earned the right. Actually it is not something I can earn, it is my birthright. I am not selfish about what is mine. I have learned to give freely and I have given all I have on many occasions. I have been to some of the darkest places and learned to rely on my Heavenly Father. I get a little antsy sometimes because I feel like I need to go deeper into the obis. I believe our path is already defined but it is up to us to find it. I am only trying to find my path. My mistakes don't define me, they only refine me. I pray often about helping me find my path.
It takes courage to stand up for what you believe. I will continue to believe what I do because it is me. If I have to do this alone then that is what I am going to do. I will be true to myself. I hope those reading will also do the same for themselves. The battle might be long but the end is in sight. Every day we all get a little closer to when Christ will return to his thrown on Earth. If I am not Christ then at least I stood up for him. I will make myself stronger and I will walk by faith. I am a son of God and after I have been proven I will meet my heavenly parents again and I hope they will be proud of me for standing up for what I believe.
My testimony is solid. I know the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints is true and no one can take that from me. I believe all things are possible. I believe there is a reason I have not been excepted as the rightful king but I just don't know that reason right now.
I have 3 children. I have not seen them or communicated with them in 8 years. I want to be apart of their lives but my life is in no way ready. I have spent these years in and out of jail, prison and mental hospitals. I am 8 years behind on my child support. I am not proud of this fact. I wish I was normal because I would be taking care of my responsibilities. I can't enter the temple to become endowed because I am behind on my child support. My life is incomplete. If my children was to read this I want them to know that I wish things were different and I wish I was apart of their lives. I wish I had the money but I am on a very fixed income. I want to tell them that I do love them and only want the best for them and the best does not include me at this time. I want to also tell my ex wife that I am sorry she could not depend on me to be the father I should have been. I think she is a great mother and person. I am looking for a part time job that will go to paying my support.
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