5/23/13

My therapist told me that I needed to write down the things that I am feeling in order to better process the information that is entering my life. She is right about this assessment of the situation and I thought the same before she told me her opinion. The greatest thought that I am weighing is whether or not to surrender myself to the authorities and become a prisoner again to this society. I look back on and at my life and know that most of my growing experience has come from me being locked up. This does not mean that I love to go to jail and only means that it has been used as a tool to better refine me. I wonder what Heavenly Father has in store for me and I wonder when I will see what I need to and I also need to feel the experience. Just because I have a record does not mean that I am institutionalized because I am far from it. I love my freedom with all my heart. I ponder in my heart what my next move is. Should I just chill and let the world change around me or should I take a personal approach for my own growth? If I am to grow then in what form? Trusting in what the Father has for us is tough to do. I see so much around me that is calling me to something. Are these really the last days? Is the news I hear and see really trying to talk to me? How am I to show that I am a believer through and through? How do I stay a free man and still offer a sacrifice that is worthy to be called a good sacrifice? These are all the questions I have placed before my father and king. I am not a judge but a passer through trying to help those I come in contact with. I might not be able to give a lot but I try to give what is fair and in proportion. Do I want more out of life? Yes with all of my being.