Day 1.2

Mormon 8:38
.....Why are ye ashamed to take upon you the name of Christ?.....

There is much more to this scripture then I have typed, but this is the basic reason I am justified for what and who I believe to be. I at times am ashamed to take upon the name of Christ especially when I am considered a criminal for trying to live out this scripture. Some say I take this scripture to far and it only means to take it to heart, but I know what the true meaning is. If Christ had to live in this world just as one of us who would he be? What walk of life would he have to spend his days? What opposition would he have to come against? Would he be exempt from pains and suffering? What would he have to go through to learn the lessons he would need to be the leader he is destined to be? I ask the same questions as all when I think am I really Christ? Have I been deceived? If I am not Christ than who am I? I know I am a child of god and I know I have a logical and rational mind, but is that enough? What more must I go through? What is my destiny? Why am I considered an outcast to a church I remain loyal to? Why do I remain loyal to the Church, it has done nothing but place me into jail? Do I speak out against the Church or do I stay on the path I know to be true? The temptation is great. I am bombarded on every front. My only connection that I have is through a loving bishop that truly wants to help. I have been 'no trespassed' and I have a stalking injunction against me to keep me from Temple Square and Welfare Square. My "delusion" has left me owing child support that would even keep me from entering the temple even if I wanted to. What is my motivation? What gets me up in the morning? Am I looking and hoping to tap into the wealth of the Church to help me get out of my financial troubles? I don't believe that. Being free from jails and prison and even a mental hospital has become also a type of confinement. I am kept on a very short leash. I am also in what is called mental health court. I am not allowed to do much outside the norm. How do I express myself? Who can I turn to for relief? Some say that I am crazy for believing that I am the Messiah and I want them to know that I believe I am crazy also. I am torn between a world that has been built up for thousands of years and what is called a normal society. The great enemy is thinking that the world is secure. Just look at the news. We are in many wars and many more are about to take place. We are heading rapidly to a new world war. Most of us can't focus our energy on what might be, but I am not one of you. I am a single man that has nothing better to do than analyze this world and life as we know it. Am I Jesus Christ? I have no miracle I can perform to prove whether I am or not, but this much I know that when the world changes I will be ready. I will patiently wait for the timing of my father in heaven. I will live each day as if it will all change tomorrow.