5/27/13

Which side of the line do you belong to? What do we beleive in? What do we stand for? Would we be willing to stand up under any condition to claim our belief? Where would we end up if we did make a stand? Sometimes we end up in locations that are not very desierable. Facing our greatest fears can take a lot of courage. Does anyone see our sacrifices? I believe in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and they teach there is a Heavenly Father that sees all and knows all. Even if nobody can see what you do to become a greater person our Heavenly Father sees. From my experience he always has a purpose for us. Every situation is used for our refinement. The Church also teaches that we can be forgiven for our sins if we go through the proper repentance process. It is said that we all are not perfect or sinless. We all sin and return must renew our vow by partaking the sacrament. I know my weaknesses and I know my strengths. Some people hide their weaknesses from others in an act to appear perfect. I carry mine on my shoulders. I had a problem with many different crutches. A few months ago I took up smoking and coffee. I also went on a short spout with marijuana. I have since quit. I have no excuses and my bishop said I needed to work on obeying the word of wisdom as taught by the LDS faith. My bishop also told me that I can not partake of the sacrament until I overcome my weaknesses. I can report that today I am clean. I am even clean from Mountain Dew(natures nectar).
It is written that there is opposition in all things and with me this holds true. Every time I get close to the truth something happens that tries to separate me from it. All of my life has been this way. I know that I am close because I have a lot of weight on my shoulders. I can feel the adversary trying to work on me. The greatest temptation is to break the law. I am known for breaking the law to make a point, but that does not mean I do not respect the law because I do. I just use the law to strengthen myself. Now I am working on not breaking the law. I have to stay away from all Church facilities except my home ward. I have been arrested in my own pew before because my bishop told me not to go to church. I looked at that as a trial of faith. I am not interesting in fighting the Church because it is the source of my greatest power. That power is the power of the priesthood. Even though I have at time been unworthy of using this power I can still use it to remind me where the iron rod is.
I have spent many days locked up in jail or prison. There are many that are happy of this fact because of the wrongs I have done to them. I can understand their position and respect it. I may one day have to go back to jail again so some of you can be happy about this fact. The problem is that I find myself during my greatest challenges. Jail, prison and mental hospitals have only served to open my eyes.
I have been told that when you least expect it something will walk into your life and change your perspective. For me it was when I was at an all time spiritual low. I spent many months searching for a companion that would and could be my equal. I went through many potentials and after a while I started to lower my expectations of who she would be. I started to pick up bad habits like smoking. I thought I could convert that someone special if I was to meet her. I am not going to post her name, but most can figure out who I refer to. She changed my perspective, but I was not worthy of her. I can only hope that time will change that. She is one of the most beautiful woman inside and out that I have ever met. I want to live each day as if the world is going to change at any moment. That means I am casting out all fears or regrets. If that is true than I need to tell "J" that I still care about her and can't wait to meet her again even if it is in the next life.